Raising Mama

I am. A dreamer. A storyteller. A writer.

2012-02-14T08:02:00.000-08:00

That's right. I am now officially a writer.

Which doesn't equal author, but I'm not going to get hung up on the particulars.

I've finished my first book, and quite frankly I am PROUD.

And well, I've more than finished it.

I've totally revised, mangled, and tortured it to perfection. Utter perfection.

Well, I see perfection, but doesn't a mother always see perfection in her baby?

I mean, if we're being realistic, I see perfection in my real baby ... but that's because my daughter actually is perfect. Heehee.

And so is my book.

Just kidding. I'm sure its not totally perfect. But I'm open to suggestions, and I can't wait to find representation and take on any and all suggested revisions. Seriously, that part totally excites me.

So, I'm off to polishing up my query letter and my synopsis ... and oh, that pesky author bio. ("Hi. I'm awesome. You want to read my work. The End")

I believe this is possible. I believe in what's to come. I believe in my work, perfect or not.

(But it is perfect. Obviously.) *grin*

post signature

My little piece of advice for ALL brides ...

2011-03-22T10:43:00.001-07:00

I am obsessed with Offbeat Bride. OBSESSED. And, even as much as it dismays me to admit this, I am not very offbeat. Shocker, I know! Sure, I love a little leopard print, and cherry toting swallows are divine, but I'm pretty average and safe when it comes to my clothing and lifestyle. Sure, I have a few tattoos, and a huge soft-spot for men with tattoos (YUM), but really, that doesn't make me offbeat any more than my leopard sweater or my black converse.

What I LOVE about the website, is that it truly embraces each bride, whether they are super offbeat, circus performing, fire-breathing burlesque dancing brides, or a very traditional, church-going, veil wearing bride who's biggest step towards offbeat is a pink crinoline. (They call those brides, myself included, Offbeat LIGHT. Cute, huh?)

Well, in my effort to have an amazing, DIY-filled, inexpensive and unique wedding, I've been doing A LOT of reasearch. Both online and in books. You know my love of books leads me to the library at least twice a month, and one of my recent trips was a huge, exciting, sent-from-heaven event!

Its almost as if the library Gods KNEW that I had the Offbeat Bride book sitting in my Amazon cart, because there it was, just sitting there, beckoning to me from its lonely spot upon a shelf of inferior wedding books like "How to Have a Cheesy Wedding" (ok, I made that title up).

I heard angels sing. Seriously. Or maybe that was me singing, I don't know.

I picked it up, smelling it, turning it over in my hands and relishing in its beauty. Excited for all the wisdom I just knew it held inside its pages for Offbeat LIGHT brides like ME! Wahoooooo!!!!!

It took me no time at all to read Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides. It is truly an enjoyable read. The author, and original offbeat bride, Ariel Meadow Stallings, has a fantastic sense of humor, and had me laughing out loud multiple times throughout the entire book. I even read bits and pieces to Jon, which was my way of letting him know that all brides weren't white-covered taffeta monsters, slinging demands and craziness. No offense to all you crazy-eyed taffeta queens.

Ariel truly tells it how it is, and she tells it like she's sitting next to you having a cocktail, and you've been friends your whole life. She reminds you that the wedding is about you and your future husband, but that while focusing on your joy and your happiness, to be careful of not hurting or alienating those around you. She gives you examples and tools for dealing with the ups and downs, ins and outs of the whole horrible and wonderful planning process. She assures you that whether you are a little or a LOT offbeat, it doesn't matter. Just being yourself is offbeat enough, EMBRACE IT!

The point of the blog is that I am so happy I was able to read the book, and have decided it will be my one bit of advice for brides everywhere (if they ask, and even when they don't). Skip the other wedding books. They'll make you feel pressured and less than adequate, I almost guarantee it. (Seriously, I've read or flipped through close to 10 so far and stopped after this one.)

I'm going to embrace this wedding for the unique and (only slightly offbeat) union that it is. I'm going to embrace my little family, and the fact that we are getting married while already having an 8 year old. Whoops! ;-) I am going to embrace my inner rockabilly Princess, even though she only shows herself with an occasional skull hair flower or leopard print shirt. I am going to embrace that this wedding is for Jon and I (and our daughter). If there's not enough white taffeta or tulle for you, or you don't understand why I'm hiring a band called the Creepers to play my reception, or you hate my "engagement-announcement-save-the-date-non-invitation-invitation" combos, please just embrace Jon and I and give us your blessing. You don't totally have to understand us. In fact, you don't have to understand us at all. Just love us for how awesome we are. lol

post signature

VOTE for John Tracy Clinic!!!

2010-12-06T10:50:00.001-08:00

Please vote DAILY!!!!

post signature

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-01T16:20:00.000-08:00

Bella Inspired is taking a BREAK!

You can find all of my pre-made items for sale on Etsy ... All of them would be perfect for tackling your last minute Holiday shopping!

All items are READY TO SHIP!!!

post signature

Dr. Phil's "Angry Moms" Episode

2010-11-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

I recorded Dr. Phil yesterday because it looked like it would be a crazy episode! But, in watching it, I found myself not sitting in judgement of the "angry moms" he had as guests, as the audience was, but instead feeling empathy towards them.

They were clearly at their wits end, and instead of trying to help them or understand them, the audience members chastized them and judged them.

I found myself immensely disappointed in Dear old Dr. Phil. He told them that basically, their behavior had to change. The way they treated their children was wrong. Time to "cope" with the anger. Etc, etc, etc. That's why he gets paid the big bucks, right? STATING THE OBVIOUS? That's why these women were on the show in the first place! Duh! Brave enough to admit that they were out of control. Brave enough to seek help.

I wondered afterwards, amidst my irritation with Dr. Phil, why he didn't give any sort of advice on "coping" with the anger we all face as parents. I will be the first to admit that this job is immensely hard, and comes with little to no instruction. We are constantly tried as parents, constantly put to the test. We are constantly looked at as if under a microscope, and constantly judged or appraised in our technique - or lack thereof. And you know what? Forgive me for saying so, but this job doesn't come with a lot of reward. Yeah, of course, one day we can hope to have AMAZING relationships with our children, and one day we can hope that they turn out to be stellar citizens, but right now? We make due on the thanks we get from little arms around our necks, getting jelly in our hair; or the whispered "I love you's" from the little voices that 90% of the time are here to try our patience. So, how DO we cope with the anger that this job throws at us? We can't quit. We can't fire our children. We can't have a department meeting unless you count spaghetti on the floor and not much getting resolved. So what DO we do? (Feel free to share your coping techniques here. I can't be the only person wondering how to be a better parent. And if I am, that says something about the rest of you - we can always improve and should ALWAYS want to.)

Anyway, I have to get back to painting, but I wanted to share something I found. There's a book called "Mommy Mantras," and I think I have to have it. Just reading a small excerpt from the first chapter has me hooked. I wanted to share it with you because I know how hard it is to parent, and I can't be the only one who thinks so!

You can find it HERE.

post signature

Engagement Announcements & Holiday Cards

2010-11-10T10:28:00.001-08:00

We're engaged!

Ok, ok, I know you already know that. But seriously, did you hear the news???

I'm finally freaking engaged!!!! Really though, after 8 years together, can you blame me for being just a bit overly enthusiastic? Nah.

I, of course want to go all out, and do every single thing I can do in relation to the engagement. I mean, seriously! I've waited forever for this! Engagement announcements, engagement photos, engagement party, engagement this, that and the other. (Insert sympathy for Jon here.)

First item successfully checked off the list: our beautiful engagement photos. I am lucky to know a few photographers, and for a reasonable fee (homemade Korean style flanken ribs and mimosas) my friend Jill Phillips took our engagement photos recently. They are too freaking cute. Here's a quick sample:

Copyright 2010 * Jill Phillips Photography

What comes next, you ask? Well, engagement announcements of course!!! And who better to go through than Shutterfly? No one! I have been playing with my cards in their online shopping cart for a week or two now. I tend to be one of those people who over do things. For instance, when I was younger, I would color a picture so much that it would go right past looking good to looking downright messy and sloppy. I have since learned to stop myself when my artwork is done, but I still have a tiny voice inside of me that begs me to keep going. I'm pretty sure that voice wants to sabotage all my endeavors and successes with Bella Inspired, though, so I silence that messy little Jessa inside.

I have always loved the flat photo cards. Let's face it, in this day and age, with most people too busy to even pick up the phone, the folding cards just won't work for all of us. These flat photo cards make it simple and elegant to wish your loved ones a Merry Christmas and send your love. If I had the time though, I'd get this card for our Holiday cards. *Of course, the adorable little girl in the example makes these cards sell themselves! How cute is she!?

But hey, on to more important things. Here is the card I am using for my Engagement Announcements. (I keep saying I and MY, like Jon's not a part of this wedding! LOL! Whoops! Sorry babe!)
Since my theme is black and ivory with touches of teal and peacock feathers, I thought that a simple yet elegant black background would be perfect. In all honesty, it started out as the three-photo layout, and is now on the eight-photo layout. I love that Shutterfly allows me to leave my items in my cart to go back and play with anytime I want. Let's just say that my little "inner Jessa" voice is quite happy about that feature too. Heehee.

Since I was already playing around on the Shutterfly website - seriously, I get lost there for hours at a time - and Jill took a few family shots the day of our engagement shoot, I decided I might as well work on my Christmas cards too! It is already November, you know. (Yeah, I am as surprised as you are! Where does the time go!?)

Our Christmas cards this year will be basic - I want the pictures to be the focal point. The dots are supposed to be snow, but to me they are polka dots! (Which I love almost as much as I love black and red together.) They are cute and festive, without being over-the-top, and they are called "Snow Kiss" - awwww.

Of course, now that I'm writing about them, and looking through the site more, my inner voice is telling me to do go get lost on the website for a few hours. My disclaimer now will be this: Don't be surprised if the Holiday card and/or engagement announcement show up and look nothing like what I showed you today! I am a woman with the right to change my mind, am I not? ;-)

Now to just find the time .....

NOTE: Though Shutterfly has given me additional incentive to WRITE/BLOG about their products by offering this: Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up HERE ... this in NO WAY affected my decision to order through Shutterfly, as, like I said, my cards have been sitting in my cart for a couple of weeks! As far as photo gifts and printing goes, Shutterfly has the market beat, and I have ordered cards and photo books from them in the past.

Wedding Tidbits ... the Maid of Honor cards!

2010-10-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, I made these myself. And I love them. I asked my two very best friends to be in my wedding, and since there is absolutely NO WAY to put one before the other, I will be having TWO Maids of Honor. I am one lucky girl.

They say, "I couldn't say I Do without you! Will you be my Maid of Honor?"

(They both said YES ... yey!)

post signature

I'm Getting Married!!!!!! Woohooo!!!

2010-10-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

So, I figured I'd share my little bits and pieces of wedding planning as I go along. Just in case there are other budget-minded brides out there like me, who also LOVE peacock themes and vintage style! :-)

FIRST, MY INSPIRATION BOARD:

I created this inspiration board, without a fancy program (as you can see) ... just using Paint in Windows. The wedding dress is by Stephanie James Couture, and the bridesmaid dress is by Pinup Girl Clothing. I am pretty dead set on both. The shoes ... oh the shoes!!! Do you not LOVE them!? I'm obsessed! I'd probably get them regardless of my peacock wedding theme! They are from LaPlumeEthere on Etsy.

post signature

Bella Inspired "Inspiration" Giveaway!

2010-03-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Have you been inspired by someone you know? Do you know a Mom/Dad, family, etc, that have been through so much and just keep on truckin!? Do you know a family who maybe can't afford the extras right now, and would love to have letters in their kid's room?

I know that times are tough right now. I know full well what it is like to not always buy the little extra things you want to buy for yourself or for your children. I know that personalizing your child's room is a big deal to most parents and children alike, but that those personalized products are often too expensive to many families.

This past year I decided to lower my prices from $17.95 per 6" letter to $14.95 per 6" letter. I am trying to reach more families with my product. I love putting artwork on your walls which is why I often have sales, contests & giveaways, and the occasional additional incentives! I have to make money too though, so I can't go any lower on my everyday prices. With that said, please keep your eyes peeled for sales because I will be offering them frequently! (With a new one coming soon, in fact!)

Now, onto the giveaway!!!

I would like to honor someone with free custom letters from Bella Inspired!

The name will be in 6" letters, in the design of their choice and font of their choice! I have to put a limit on the letters though, or it could get out of hand!

The winner will win ONE name ONLY, no more than 8 letters TOTAL.

How do you win, you ask?

What I would like is for you, Bella Inspired's amazing FANS, to write in, telling me about someone you think is deserving of this giveaway. Please limit it to a couple of paragraphs. You may NOT write in about yourself.

Here are my official Rules:

You may write in ONE time.

Please limit yourself to just a few paragraphs.

You may NOT write about yourself or your spouse.

Please DO NOT include the child's name that I would be painting if your write up wins - I do NOT want the length of name to have anything to do with who wins.

You may include the name of the person you are writing about, if you would like, but PLEASE DO NOT include their last name.

Once I have all of the "essays" (we'll call them that for ease), I will somehow, probably in picture albums, post the essays for all of the Bella Inspired fans to read. I will then ask my fans to vote for the person they think is deserving of winning this prize. I will then choose the winner based on fan votes and on my own opinion. I WILL reserve the right to decide who wins, even IF that person did not receive the most votes. Though, seeing as how it will be as anonymous as possible, I am hoping for a pretty fair voting situation.

THIS CONTEST WILL BE ON THE BELLA INSPIRED PAGE ONLY. If you are not a fan of Bella Inspired on Facebook, you will not be able to vote OR enter. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wildomar-CA/Bella-Inspired/106172036982?ref=nf

Please send all essays to info@bellainspired.com. I will respond to let you know I have received your essay. Last day for entries will be THIS FRIDAY, March 5th, 2010. That gives you 5 days, which should be plenty of time. I will open voting up next week sometime.

Let me know if any of this does not make sense, or if you have any questions!!! Also, please repost this Note so others can enter!!!

Thank you!
Jessa Stadtler
Owner / Artist
Bella Inspired

post signature

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-09T18:32:00.001-07:00

(Drunk Fairies ... lol)

post signature

Foodie Friday!

2009-09-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

My new favorite breakfast! Helping me lose weight, or at least not gain! LOL

Vanilla Strawberry Smoothie

12 oz. Skim Milk
1 cup Unsweetened FROZEN Strawberries
1 28g-packet of plain Instant Oatmeal
1/2 tsp. Vanilla Extract

Put all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth!

MY TIP: Blend the oatmeal (dry) by itself first, it helps make finer pieces in the long run!

304 calories, 3g fat (1g sat), 7mg Chol, 6g fiber, 19g protein, 52g carbs, 201mg sodium.

This shake is from All You Magazine. I love it because unlike most shakes, smoothies, Slim fast, etc, the addition of oatmeal actually helps me stay full longer. That's a big PLUS. :-)

post signature

Pay It Forward ... what an idea!

2009-09-02T10:57:00.001-07:00

Check out my Bella Inspired blog to have a chance to Pay It Forward!

"Do something UNselfish Today"

post signature

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

post signature

Book, Book, Book!

2009-08-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

Writing a book is sooooooooo fun. And soooooooooo hard.

I guess I assumed it would just flow from me. And it did ... at first. What happened after about the second chapter was that I realized that I am still getting to know the characters. Not just you, the reader, but ME. Weird, right?

I tell Jon, "Gosh, i can't wait to see what happens!" And he looks at me like I've lost my mind. But honestly, the story is in there, I can feel it, I just have to let it take shape.

I'm only at about 17,000 words, which for a novel is NOTHING. I'm trying not to let that discourage me, but sometimes it does. Sometimes I feel like I've gotten so much out and realize it only made up another page or two!

But, in the end, all things aside, my book is GOOD. My characters are LIKABLE. My story is scary. Yes, it's a suspense.

I will continue to write it, even on the days when I struggle with what comes next. Even on the days when the scenes in my head are a jumbled, chaotic mess. I will continue, I will persevere, and I will FINISH.

My dad would be proud.

post signature

Thirsty Thursday

2009-08-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

My best friend Charissa shared this recipe with me on Sunday and it was soooooooo good! In honor of her and the wonderful concoction she introduced me to, today I call my post THIRSTY Thursday ... I think you get the gist. :-)

Skinny Mojito
4 ounces Fresca
12 mint leaves
1 ounce rum
1 tablespoon Splenda
1/2 ounce fresh lime juice

Muddle the mint and Splenda together, then I'd say muddle it some more with the rum. Squeeze some lime in there for good measure, add the Fresca and try not to get drunk! Or get drunk! Heck, I don't care! Do what you want! ;-)

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway - omit the rum if you want a non-alcoholic version. I know, I know, I'm a genius.

post signature

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

post signature

YES WE CAN-CER-VIVE!

2009-06-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

My friend Holly, has just fought the fight of her life against Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She is just 30 years old. Side note: She's my birthday twin (same day, different year!) :-)

American Cancer Society Relay for Life, Dana Point, CA

I have been immensely inspired by Holly's courage and unfaltering desire to LIVE. She has kicked Cancer's butt and through her fight I have witnessed a sort of evolution from within her. She radiates strength and beauty. She is everything a woman should be. Strong, convicted, kind, compassionate, courageous.

Holly wants to turn the situation into one of growth and leadership. She is now on a mission to spread awareness of the issues facing young adults stricken with this disease, especially in the area of fertility. She is empowering and bold and I can't wait to follow her in her fight and stand behind her in her journey. I am trying to do what I can to rally behind her and help her learn ways to advocate. I think she has some amazing things in front of her. Maybe God chose her to suffer this path so that she could help others and become a light at the end of their dark tunnels. I was reading a blog today and was directed to this scripture. It reminds me that God is here with us and guiding our journey. There IS reason to the chaos and tribulation. We will never know why. We have to believe that He has it all worked out in His plan. I think that He is going to do some amazing things through Holly and I can't wait to see what's next!

Psalm 40:1-3 (New King James Version)
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
3 He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.

Holly's last Chemo treatment was June 4th. To celebrate her battle, we're holding a benefit concert for her at Swallow's Inn in San Juan Capistrano.

Not only will you be treated to live entertainment, but you'll also have the opportunity to participate in a raffle, purchase "Yes We Can-Cer-Vive" t-shirts and bid on amazing goods in our silent auction! If you are in the area, please come out and partake in the celebration! You may even get a little inspired.

WHEN: Saturday, June 20, from 2:30 - 6:30 p.m.
WHERE: Swallow's Inn * 31786 Camino Capistrano in San Juan Capistrano
COST: No cover charge, but bring cash for drinks, the raffle & auction (Proceeds will directly benefit Holly & her medical bills)

Silent auction & raffle items courtesy of:
South Coast Plaza, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Carat Cake Designs, Billabong, Mama's Boy, VonZipper, Oakley, Zyliss, Bella Inspired, Serenity Limousine Service, and more!

We freaking LOVE you Holly. We are so proud of you and truly BLESSED to know you.

post signature

And now Ladies and Gentlemen, we officially have a FIRST GRADER!

2009-06-15T15:37:00.001-07:00

I know I don't blog nearly enough. That's assuming people actually read this and WANT to know more, right?! Anyway, a quick update is in order I guess.

Faith has completed Kindergarten. I know, right! So crazy. I feel like time is just passing me by and soon we'll be watching our little girl become a woman. Anyway, she really adored her teacher and is a bit sad that he will no longer be her teacher when she gets to 1st grade. On the bright side, we are in support of a Charter school that her teacher is petitioning and if it gets approved he will be the Principal! Can't beat that! If you are curious about the school or want to help - donations would be awesome - visit http://www.rrcsa.org/Home_Page.php

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the school year:

First day of Kindergarten! *sad face*

Halloween 2008 - Ariel AGAIN

Pajama Day at school!!!

Middle of the year awards ceremony. Faith received an award for reaching her goal!

Yummy, lunch time in the cafeteria!

Very last day of school! The kids all got awards for reaching their end of the year goals! Good job!

So Kindergarten has come to an end, and I officially have a FIRST GRADER! It is bittersweet. I am so excited for all the things to come, but my baby is growing uo and that pulls on my heart a bit. I am so worried that time will just pass us by!

But here's to a great summer with my almost 6 year old!

post signature

Where's the EASY button?

2009-04-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Well, back to the beginning! I want to start losing weight again. Last year around this time, I started working out 5 or so times a week, and I started looking MUCH better. Then I stopped. No reason, just stopped. I really have no idea why.

I am carrying around about 25 pounds of UNWANTED weight. Not because I like it, and I like having it near me! Just out of pure laziness. It's funny too because I SERIOUSLY do not like how I look, but I still can't get motivated to lose the weight. I wish there was an easy button. Where the heck is the damn easy button????????

So, being that I am not one for diet pills or growth hormone (wtf?) .... I am starting this week back on the porr old *lonely* elliptical! I have also put my pedometer back on and joined up with www.walkertracker.com, just for some added motivation! I am ALSo working on Phase Two of the South Beach Diet. I really like the ideas behind the diet, but Phase One had me quite cranky, so I moved into Phase Two and we'll see what happens.

BIKINI BODY, where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu???

(PS. Let me know if you find that damn easy button.)

post signature

SAVE HANDMADE!!!!

2009-01-06T07:44:00.000-08:00

On february 10 there will be a mandatory law for any children's item that is sold for a child 12 and under to be required to have testing for lead.

The issue:
In 2007, large toy manufacturers who outsource their production to China and other developing countries violated the public's trust. They were selling toys with dangerously high lead content, toys with unsafe small part, toys with improperly secured and easily swallowed small magnets, and toys made from chemicals that made kids sick. Almost every problem toy in 2007 was made in China.

The United States Congress rightly recognized that the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) lacked the authority and staffing to prevent dangerous toys from being imported into the US. So, they passed the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) in August, 2008. Among other things, the CPSIA bans lead and phthalates in toys, mandates third-party testing and certification for all toys and requires toy makers to permanently label each toy with a date and batch number.

All of these changes will be fairly easy for large, multinational toy manufacturers to comply with. Large manufacturers who make thousands of units of each toy have very little incremental cost to pay for testing and update their molds to include batch labels.

For small American, Canadian, and European toymakers and manufacturers of children's products, however, the costs of mandatory testing will likely drive them out of business.

A toymaker, for example, who makes wooden cars in his garage in Maine to supplement his income cannot afford the $4,000 fee per toy that testing labs are charging to assure compliance with the CPSIA.

A work at home mom in Minnesota who makes cloth diapers to sell online must choose either to violate the law or cease operations.

A small toy retailer in Vermont who imports wooden toys from Europe, which has long had stringent toy safety standards, must now pay for testing on every toy they import.

And even the handful of larger toy makers who still employ workers in the United States face increased costs to comply with the CPSIA, even though American-made toys had nothing to do with the toy safety problems of 2007.

The CPSIA simply forgot to exclude the class of children's goods that have earned and kept the public's trust: Toys, clothes, and accessories made in the US, Canada, and Europe. The result, unless the law is modified, is that handmade children's products will no longer be legal in the US.

If this law had been applied to the food industry, every farmers market in the country would be forced to close while Kraft and Dole prospered.

All I can do is sit back and wait for a revision in the law and get the word out to people to contact their local officials.

How You can Help:
Please write to your United States Congress Person and Senator to request changes in the CPSIA to save handmade toys and children's products. Use our sample letter or write your own. You can find your Congress Person here and Senator here.

Feel free to copy and paste this into your blog! This does not mean only toys! If you go to the CPSC web site it states any children's item manufactured for a child 12 or under. And it doen't count if you call around and buy lead free products to make your item. ALL FINISHED PRODUCTS MUST GO THROUGH TESTING AND RECIEVE A CERTIFICATE EVERY 90 DAYS!!!

post signature

Happy New Year!!!

2008-12-31T13:57:00.000-08:00

Part of welcoming the new year, aside from resolutions per say, is vowing to make this year your best year yet. I have been working on some things the last few days that I think will make for a fantastic 2009. I can't wait to share them with you (especially Lees), but I am waiting until I have more kinks ironed out before I go public with my plans! just know that I have recently become the proud owner of website #2, and my business "empire" is growing! I am so excited that I am beside myself! (Whatever that means!)

And, in light of looking forward and planning for better times, I want to share this tidbit with you. I recieve something two times a month in my email inbox called Nehemiah Notes. The one that came today must have been written for me personally. It was right on and said exactly how I am feeling about my plans and dreams.

When we look honestly at why some dreams of ours succeed while others fail, we usually find that only the strong ones survive. It's fundamental to our nature as humans to have aspirations, and over a lifetime we experience many of them. It's just as basic to our nature to lose heart; it takes practically nothing to discourage us and convince us that a dream is impossible for us. Yet when a dream is substantial enough, and our passion to achieve it strong enough, we find a way to beat the challenges and persevere till we succeed.

It also seems that serendipities occur: life rises up to meet us and help us accomplish what we desire.

~M. Blaine Smith, author of Nehemiah Notes

post signature

Christmas Spirit

2008-12-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

I find as I get older that it gets harder and harder to hold on to the spirit of Christmas. As adults, and I think especially women, we are expected to take care of everything. Shopping for just the right presents, hosting the perfect party, attending all the different Holiday events, getting that perfect picture of your child(ren) with Santa, getting your Christmas cards out BEFORE Christmas, etc. So all that Holiday joy gets lost in the mix.

I try to maintain it. I bark at Jon until he puts lights up on the outside of the house. I decorate the inside as early as possible (this year it was Thanksgiving weekend). I hang lights in the bathrooms, up on the pot shelves, even on the umbrella on the patio table. I bombard my family with Christmas songs - on the computer, in the car, and on the music on demand TV channel! You know, Sounds of the Season! I watch The Santa Clause and Home Alone (my two favorite Christmas movies) over and over, and over again. I simmer "holiday" smells on the stove, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, etc.

And yet, I find myself missing out on all the goodness because I am stressed. I am worried about Faith having a good Christmas. I am worried about that looming rent payment right after the Holidays. I am worried about how to entertain Faith for the THREEw weeks she is out for Christmas vacation. I worry about how to have enough money to either entertain company, or go spend time out somewhere with friends that are back in town for a few short days.

So I find myself wishing for the simple things of childhood. I want to run into my mom's room Christmas morning and yell for her to WAKE UP! Santa was here! I want to play with a new Barbie, or a new record player! I want to go roller skate on new skates with my friends all day Christmas day! I want all the joys that Christmas brings to CHILDREN, without all the stresses that Chrsitmas brings to ADULTS.

I wanted to grow up so badly. Now I just want to be little again.

post signature

Thanksgiving EVEEEEEEE!!!!!!

2008-11-26T07:30:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for Thanksgiving, can you tell? :-)

I was Bah Humbug about it for a minute, and trying to leave town, but we decided to do it at our house this year, and I am super excited! I'll be heading to Trader Joe's today for some "Two Buck Chuck" and then all of my shopping and preparing will be complete! I chopped all the vegetables yesterday, and today I'll be getting the shells ready for my cold veggie pizzas (appetizer)! This way, tomorrow we can focus on Jon's stuff - the turkey and the taters! :-)

My reasons for being thankful today are somewhat in reference to reasons I have already posted.

FIRST of all, yesterday, when I spoke to the man at H.O.P.E. (Helping Our People of Elsinore) I was brought to tears. It is so profound to hear how many people are in need right here in my own backyard. On Monday alone, they passed out over 650 boxes of thanksgiving meals, that each feed a family of four. They continued yesterday and will continue as long as they have food to hand out. He said he has started to turn people away. When he returned my call, he stated that I was about number 65 in 70 some odd voicemails he had to return ... and I was the ODD message ... because I wanted to DONATE a turkey instead of needed one. That was so strange for me to hear.

If you know me, you know I live in this little bubble ... we'll call it "Happytown." We have our little issues here and there - little trials and tribulations like anyone. Nothing truly bad ever happens in Happytown, so when it actually does, my world is completely ROCKED. When someone dies or gets ill, I have the strangest ways of dealing with things, and then I'm done. It's gone, it's over, and I can get back to my happy little Happytown. Seriously though, I'm not kidding. I don't watch the news, or read the paper because frankly, those terrible things they talk about don't actually exist in Happytown. You probably think I am kidding right about now, or that I'm crazy as a football bat.

Well, when I spoke to that man at H.O.P.E. yesterday, it rocked my little Happytown. How on earth can so many people need help so close by? How can I complain about anything when these families can't even feed their children a Thanksgiving meal? How can I complain when he tells me that they BRING the food TO the families instead of passing it out at one location ON Thanksgiving Day, because so many people can't even get to that one location? Or that when I told him I wanted to help more, he told me that he wouldn't send a woman and her 5 year old daughter into the places they go. Goodbye Happytown.

As I lay awake in the night last night, which I find myself doing more and more these days, I kept thinking about how absolutely blessed I am. That even though the money I spent on Thanksgiving food and preparations was more than I *should* have spent, at least it was there to spend (sort of). If we are a bit behind in paying some bills, at least we haven't had anything turned off. We are able to welcome loved ones into our home tomorrow, and feed them a big fat turkey and sit around enjoying each other's company, without worry, without fear.

Which brings me to my next topic of thankfulness ... our family. In the night last night, which as you know I was awake for most of, I was brought to thinking of my Grandma on my father's side, whom I haven't spoken to in years. Probably 10 at least. See, my dad passed away when I was 16, and for some reason(s) that I will never understand or possibly even know, my Grandma and my Mom stopped talking. At 16, this is a hard concept to grasp no matter how grown up you think you are. Frankly, at almost 29 years old, I still can't wrap my (Happytown) mind around it. I tried to keep in touch with her here and there, but as a 16 year old (running wild after the loss of my father) it was not a priority. I felt guilty about that for a long time, but one day it occurred to me that I was the only one trying to keep in touch. My grandmother refused to call me because my mom might answer. I remember going to see her when I was 18 and driving myself, and she said she'd call me now because I had my own telephone line. What a disturbing thing to say to your grandchild. That was the last time I saw her. I can actually remember what I wore that day, down to my shoes and hairstyle. Can you believe that? I can't remember ANYTHING but I remember that.

When my daughter was born 4 months early, in July of 2003, my mom called my Aunt. Oh yes, there's my aunt as well, who no longer cared to speak to us. She told her about the trauma we were experiencing and my aunt seemed concerned and was going to call my Grandma. And that was it. I think my Aunt sent a teddy bear or something, but we never heard from either one of them again.

So in the night last night, it occurred to me that maybe I should go to my grandma's house on Thanksgiving, knock on her door, introduce her to her great granddaughter and then say a lot of terrible things that I really shouldn't write on this blog.

HOW do you turn your back on the ONLY thing your ONLY son left in this world? HOW do you not want to know the beautiful granddaughter that he so tragically will never meet? How can the two of you (grandma and aunt) be sooooooooo bitter that you will wallow in your misery and loneliness INSTEAD of enjoying the time you could have shared with us???????????????????????????

Jon has a similar story ... two older siblings who haven't cared about him probably a day in his life. Two siblings that couldn't even be bothered to visit his deceased father when he was ill, or attend his funeral. Two siblings that felt nothing when Jon was experiencing the trauma of a baby born so prematurely.

I will never understand the VOLUNTARY absence of these people from our lives.

BUT ... it brings me to the conclusion of how truly BLESSED I am to know that tomorrow afternoon I will sit at a table full of love and family. My Mom, Jon's Mom, Jon, Faith and I ... the family we are so lucky to have. The mothers who have done NOTHING BUT LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY and who will never turn their backs on us or our precious daughter. The mothers who with their love and faith in us make up in spades for those few who have missed out on us.

When it is all said and done, we are not the ones lacking, and for that I am thankful.

Giving Thanks .... Day 15, 17 ... or something or other!

2008-11-25T08:10:00.000-08:00

You now know, if you hadn't already, that I can't actually blog every day, even when I set out to! I mean, I CAN, physically, but for some reason, I can't seem to remember to!

So, my 30 Days of Thanksgiving will be a sparatic 10 days or so. *LOL*

Today, I am thankful for the fact that I get to donate a turkey!!! Albertsons has a BOGO (Buy One, Get One) Sale going on this week with their turkeys. I am THRILLED that they would do this because it offers an awesome way to give back to your community, without really costing you anything. Let's face it, most of us can't afford much extra these days, so donating money or food can be a bit tough.

I found a local organization called H.O.P.E ~ "Helping Our People of Elsinore" ... (Lake Elsinore is a city near me.) http://hopeinelsinore.com/Home_Page.html
I am going to call them today and ask how I can donate my extra turkey! Then Faith and I will drive down there and hopefully, in turn, bring some joy to someone else's life this Thanksgiving.

I want so badly to be able to donate money and time and toys, and clothes, and whatever else I can, but it is hard at times. When we struggle to pay bills, it is hard to find the extra money to spare. But I WANT to. I want to help others. So today I AM THANKFUL for Albertsons, and their "Buy One, Get One" Turkey Sale!

And lets all say a little prayer to thank God for the help that strangers give every day to families and people less fortunate than them. People who give way more than I can! Those strangers and their selfLESSness are what Thanksgiving is all about!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Go do something UNSELFISH today! And be sure to GIVE THANKS!

Psalm 69:30 says "I will praise the name of God with a song;
I will magnify him with thanksgiving."

post signature

Giving Thanks ~ Day Seventeen Thousand ... and Five

2008-11-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, so not really seventeen thousand and five, but I didn't feel like doing the math to figure out what day of giving thanks this actually is. Sorry.

We went to Vegas over the weekend. You know, every time Jon and I go to Vegas, we come back with the same feeling ... "Um, well, that was ok." In all honesty, the allure of Vegas left me some time ago. I am too tired to stay up all night, for one thing. I have seen all of the touristy stuff (MANY times actually). The only reason we go is for a brief visit with some friends from Hawaii. It is the only time we can see them since, let's be honest, there is no trip to the islands for us any time soon. *sad face*

We have a BLAST hanging out with them, of course, but Vegas itself is a bit much. I welcome the opportunity to visit with them, but am so worn out from a weekend in Sin City.

Anyway, that little getaway is why I haven't kept up with my 'Giving Thanks' series. But, again, in all honesty, you probably knew I wouldn't be writing EVERY day - if you know me at all.

It is actually a bit tough to come up with something each day to be thankful for. Has this thought ever occured to you? I know I am BLESSED in many ways ... sooooooo many ways in fact. And yet, to verbalize all the blessings in my life seems quite difficult. I covered the basics - friends, family and love. And now I'm like, "Um, I'm thankful forrrrrrrrr ....." ????????????? Why is it so hard to verbalize? It's like I want to be so thankful for something so PROFOUND. Does that make sense? But instead of being profound, I keep thinking of the little things in life ... Jon, Faith, my family, friends, my dog Lola, etc. We have a new turtle now too ... HER name is Charley. I am quite thankful for her. Truth of it is, she is probably quite thankful for us as well - we saved her from a life spent in the tiny plastic container she came home from the store in - for the past FIVE YEARS.

Anyway, I wonder to myself whether or not the "little" things in life ARE the profound things. There is nothing more PROFOUND than the love two people have for eachother, the immense love I have for my daughter, the unfaltering friendships I have spent years building, or the companionship of my pets. The "little" things in life that make you want to wake up eacgh day. The "little" things in life that give you PURPOSE.

I am THANKFUL for those "little" ... PROFOUND things in my life. And I am thankful for the realization that those little things are what my life is all about.

post signature

Giving Thanks ~ Day 6

2008-11-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

Oooh! Look at that - two days in a ROW!

Today I am thankful for a couple of things, but mostly I am thankful that today was not THE BIG ONE. If you live in Southern California, you probably know that today was The Great Southern California Shake Out. What is a shake out, you ask? A state wide simulation of what to do when we have the dreaded .... BIG ONE.

From their website http://www.shakeout.org :
The Great Southern California ShakeOut is based on a potential magnitude 7.8 earthquake on the southern San Andreas Fault— approximately 5,000 times larger than the magnitude 5.4 earthquake that shook southern California on July 29. It’s not a matter of if an earthquake of this size will happen—but when. And it is possible that it will happen in our lifetime.

So, businesses, schools, police departments, families and individuals are taking part in today's simulation all over souther California. Faith had a drill at school this morning, so I tried to prepare her by explaining that it is just practice, like learning to "Stop, Drop and Roll. No biggie.

But in all seriousness, they say that when this earthquake does hit, there will be THOUSANDS of lives lost, BILLIONS of dollars in damage, ETC, ETC, ETC.

So frankly my dear, I am QUITE thankful that the BIG ONE did not occur today, and that this was just a DRILL.

*QUITE THANKFUL*

post signature

Giving Thanks ~ Day 5

2008-11-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

Why no Day 3 or Day 4 thooooo? :-)

Sorry, you know I'm terrible at writing daily, so you'll just have to pretend I blogged for day 3 and 4! :-)

Today I am sooooooooooooooooooooo thankful for cameras! Does that seem shallow? Come on, it's not like I said I'm thankful for lipstick ... though by Day 26 I just might.

Photography is such an awesome concept. I am thankful for cameras, photographers, photography, etc BECAUSE I am able to freeze a moment in time LIKE THIS ONE:

See why I am thankful for cameras? Look at this beautiful photo of my Princess and tell me how anyone could possibly NOT be thankful for the ability to pause that moment in time forever.

(Photo credits go to my new friend Trisha! She is sooooooooo good at moments in time! I am patiently .... ok, not so patiently .... waiting for the cd with the rest of the photos on it. And let's be serious here, you know how I am with pictures, so you KNOW I will be posting more!)

http://www.trishareneeimages.com

post signature

Giving Thanks ~ Day 2

2008-11-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

I am sooooooooooooooooo thankful for FRIENDSHIP. I am proud to look around and see that I have friends in my life that have been there for almost two decades. My friendships are strong ones, and they will last a lifetime and then some.

My friends are amazing people. My friends understand me and love me even with all of my quirks .... and believe me, there are MANY. So, in honor of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for YOU. (Pictures are in no particular order!)

post signature

November ~ Giving Thanks ~ Day 1

2008-11-08T15:23:00.001-08:00

Ok, so it is not the first of November, though I should have started then. But whatever. Let's pretend. I saw another blogger doing a series of 30 days of happiness and I thought, "Heck, why not?" Sooooooo, in stealing her brilliant idea, which I cannot credit her for after closing out of that window (I apologize) ... I have decided to stick with the theme of things and go with 30 Days (or at least the rest of November) of things I am THANKFUL for.

I think we forget how much we have to be thankful for ... (as Lisa has pointed out in her recent blog http://www.beyondthebarn.blogspot.com) ... so here we go. Maybe you can start your own 30 days of ____________ to help you remember that it could always be worse. ;-)

So, DAY 1:

I am thankful for FAMILY (you know Faith, Jon, Mama, etc.) *Well, come on, that one was freaking obvious. But we'll start simple and by day 15 or so, we'll start getting DEEP ... into things like toasters, and why I am so thankful for microwaves. Humor. :-)

I am truly blessed beyond compare to know the love that I have with Jon. Though it is NOT easy, (so don't ever go into it thinking it will be), a trusting, loving relationship is a HUGE bonus in life. Knowing that I will never walk alone is something I wouldn't trade for anything. Knowing that when he walks through that door every night, I still get excited, is an awesome feeling. I LOVE, even though I complain at times, waking up to make breakfast annd pack his lunch every morning before he goes to work. I feel a bit proud that he can say he has a "wife" at home who does these little things for him. I love his humor and his pride. He always cracks me up. He works hard. I love the fact that he is a man's man, and he has never had to be reminded of that. Do you know what I mean?

I LOVE that little girl. I love her more than I ever even knew I could LOVE. I have learned in loving my daughter how much my mother loves me, and that gives you a whole new sense of things. The love comes full circle and suddenly you just understand. Faith is the funniest little thing EVER. The funniest thing she has said lately, is "Mom, stop that, I hate when you dance hip hop." LOL! DYING!

So there you have it .... I am MOST thankful for the love of my beautiful family and the blessings that God has given me in them.

post signature

Bella Inspired ... Letters on Sale NOW!

2008-10-26T07:24:00.001-07:00

HAND Painted letters on sale for only $10.00 per letter!

You're thinking I must be crazy, right? But honestly, I know we are all struggling with cash right now, and with the Holidays coming up, I would love to offer you some HUGE savings! But this sale will only last ONE WEEK!

I am offering my letters on sale right now for $10.00 per letter! That is an insane savings of $7.95 PER LETTER!

*Please note that I only accept Paypal. Sign up is quick and easy*

That is my special friends and family price and I am offering it to everyone!

Get in on this because I can't imagine I'll do it again! :-)

Get those Holiday orders in while the price is sooooooooo low!

6" Hand Painted, Custom letters at a fraction of the price!

This sale will last only ONE WEEK! Sale ends Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 7:15am!!!!

Thank You!
Jessa
Owner / Artist of Bella Inspired
WEBSITE: http://www.bellainspired.com
MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/bellainspired
EMAIL: info@bellainspired.com

Please join me on Myspace and check out my MySpace BLOG for other details on how you can win free items from me! Custom and hand painted and FREE!!!! I am also having a Little Cuties Contest on Myspace, so send me a friend request, and get me a picture of your Little Cutie! Then you have the chance to win free hand painted artwork from me!

♥

post signature

March of Dimes ~ Celebration of Babies

2008-10-02T10:27:00.001-07:00

This past weekend was the Celebration of Babies boutique and luncheon, benefiting the March of Dimes.

http://www.celebrationofbabies.org

I was HONORED and so blessed to be included. Here are some pictures from the event:

My recent involvement with the March of Dimes

2008-09-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I have recently become involved with the March of Dimes. Having had a special place in my heart since the premature birth of our miracle baby, I have finally found a way that I can contribute. (Donating money is tough when you have none!) I was invited to participate in the March of Dimes "Celebration of Babies" luncheon and boutique this Saturday in Beverly Hills. (You may now understand why I have been super busy/stressed/unavailable!) In addition to having a small boutique booth, I have been given the honor of donating some my items to the Stork Club - a small group of celebrities being acknowledged for the birth of their new babies and their support of the March of Dimes. I am incredibly excited about this event, and I think it is a HUGE door opening up for my business. I am also thrilled to have found a way to give back to such an amazing organization.

Since that door opened, I was approached by someone else who volunteers with the March of Dimes, and I will be donating my hand painted items to the March of Dimes Signature Chef's Event & Auction in Birmingham, Alabama next week. No, unfortunately I won't get to be there for that one!

The reason for this email, is of course to share my good news with those close to me, but also to share with you another event coming up which is sponsored by the March of Dimes ............. A friend of a friend in Lake Havasu lost a baby to still birth last November. I can't even imagine the immense pain that must bring to a family, especially to a mother. To carry a baby to full term and not get to hold that baby is a tragedy that no one should ever have to experience. Since their unexplainable loss, Justin and Julia have decided that they need to stand up and do whatever possible to help prevent this from happening to other families. One of the ways to do so is to help support an organization like the March of Dimes. In their endeavors, they have orchestrated a golf tournament in Logan's honor, called "Links for Logan." It is to be held on Saturday, November 1st, at the London Bridge Golf Club in Lake Havasu, Arizona. I am attaching the paperwork regarding this tournament. Please take a minute to look it over. I know many of you love to golf; many of you love the river; and maybe some of you just want to do something for someone else and haven't figured out how yet. Maybe you can, or know someone who can, either play in the tournament or donate goods from their company. I'm pretty sure that donations to the March of Dimes are a tax write off too. ;-) Just take a minute to look at the paperwork. Please pass it along to people you think may want to participate. And please let me know if you want me to keep you informed of future March of Dimes events. I feel that this is only the beginning of my involvement. I am feeling a HUGE tug in that direction.

The March of Dimes Prematurity Campaign is a multimillion-dollar research, awareness and education effort that helps families have healthier babies. Knowing Faith, you know how important it is to research prematurity. Knowing that a woman in Havasu delivered a baby lost to still birth lets you know that prematurity is just ONE of the issues we are faced with. www.marchofdimes.com

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Love to you all.
~Jessa~

post signature

Inspiring

2008-09-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

Check out this blog, which I came across by accident of courrse, blog surfing!

http://itsjusthowiseethings.blogspot.com/

She has an eye for beauty, and I love the way she puts her thoughts into words. Wow.

post signature

I absolutely LOVE what I do!

2008-09-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Check these letters out!

My girlfriend Celina Busby just celebrated her 13th wedding anniversary with her husband Steve ... aka. Big Daddy & Sassafrass! Everything with them is "Buzz" ... Buzz's Baby is tattooed on her arm, Buzz Bowz is the name of her awesome company, and Buzz Life is the beautiful life they are living! So, in honor of their anniversary, Celina ordered these custom letters for their home ... and of course, I put my heart and soul into them as always ...

This is pretty cool ...

2008-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Found this on someone's MySpace page ... it's pretty cool.

September 11th

2008-09-12T19:00:00.001-07:00

( I know, I know, I am posting this on the 12th, not the 11th, but the message is profound regardless of when you read it. )

'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL'
You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news On September 11, 2001. Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.'

I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.'

I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them.

I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan ... I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news. Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me.

Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor. Some sought Me with their last breath.

Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take my hand.'

Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me?

Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.' I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. God

(Author Unknown)

I feel like I'm falling for FALL.

2008-09-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

It is 100 degrees every day. I may as well be in Phoenix still. I am sooooooo ready for fall. I can NOT wait for cooler weather. Not cold per say, just a bit more brisk than 100 degrees! Is that so much to ask for?

I am dying for Halloween. So is Faith. It is our FAVORITE Holiday EVER. Halloween has always been my holiday, and now I have a child who is in love with it as well! And you could imagine that being as halloween-obcessed as I am, our ideas may vary! She wants to trick-or-treat, and I want to have a Halloween Party, or get dressed up in my sexiest costume and go out with my friends! You know, adult stuff! This year, I am thinking of a quick trip around the neighborhood, then taking her to Grana's so Mom and Dad can go do big kid stuff! ;-)

Faith is going to be Ariel *AGAIN* ... and I won't tell you my costume. It is going to be FANTASTIC though. I just always try to be a bit diffferent than everyone else, so if I tell anyone, someone else could steal my idea, and then where will we be? Twins.

Happy September, I guess! At least we're getting close to FALL, right!?

Psssssttt.........

2008-09-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm overwhelmed. Shhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.

I need more hours in the day. My laundry is in a pile on the floor (and I think there's one load sitting in the washer ~ you know, the one you forget is there and you have to wash again), my house desperately needs to be vacuumed, my friends have gotten zero attention from me lately, my phone may as well not exist because I do not return calls or pick it up when it rings (I lose too much time that way), my website is in absolute shambles, my painting orders are backed up ....... shall I continue?

Anyway, that's all. I'm just absolutely overwhelmed right now. I can't write any more than that because there's no time! Aaaaaaah! There's never any time!!! *screaming* ;-)

Among other things, I am a procrastinator...

2008-09-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

Among MANY other things, let's be honest. But definiely one of the many quirks that make up "Jessa" is the fact that I have absolutely NO CONCEPT OF TIME. Jon tells me all the time, and I used to get so mad at him. And then I realized ... he's right. There, I said it. HAPPY, JON? :-)

I have a really important event happening at the end of the month, for my business. Shhhhhhhh, don't ask - I am not going to talk about it. Really, don't ask. Just think happy thoughts, and pray for me that it is all that I am hoping for. God knows what it is, so he'll know what you're talking about, even if you don't - YET.

Anyway, I have left everything that needed to be completed for said "event" for this month, when I have been aware of it for a few months. I didn't mean to, but now I am stressed. I have things to design, purchase, finish, lay out, etc. Things to order - marketing materials, new business cards, some legal stuff to handle, etc. And here I am, already the 2nd day of the month, and PANIC is setting in.

If you know me, you know that I can go days without talking to you, and I will have no idea if I called you last or you called me last; if I owe you an email or if you owe me an email (*Julie, sorry, coming soon); if the message I heard from you was last night or last week. Maybe something's wrong with me, or maybe I am just one big jumble of too many thoughts, plans and dreams - so many that I can't even grab on to one in particular. So, if you know me, you know that I did not purposefully leave everything for the last minute, but alas, here I am.

P-A-N-I-C

Thus, I have decided to take yet another cue from Lisa. (Which if you haven't already, check out her blog - http://www.beyondthebarn.blogspot.com/ ... seriously, if in need of some guidance, you've found it.) My cue from Lisa is this:

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Duh, right? I already know this. I read Lisa's blog about this very thing! And yet, I panic still. So here I go ... my attempt at listening to Lisa, and the Lord. I pray that I will not panic, and that everything will go as planned- bringing my dream of having a successful business to fruition, if it is so desired by the Lord.

(Is it wrong to pray that God desire the same thing I desire?)

Oh alright, I'll trust that His plan is greater than any I could conjure up.

OOOH! Two things to Blog about today!

2008-08-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

(((Today's post is a two-parter. )))

PART ONE

First of all, I am wondering why I am such a "thinker" and not a "do-er". I don't actually believe in the old saying, that the thought really counts, if it is never acted upon.

If I "think" about your birthday, but fail to call you, will you feel better knowing I thought about it? Probably not, though in that case you'll know (I was probably busy with the five year old.)

If I "think" about paying it forward, but never do so, did my good deed exist? No, it did not.

If I "think" about cleaning up the neighborhood, but only as I am driving through it, did I clean the neighborhood? No, I definitely did not.

I drive this main road by my house, almost every day. Let's just say that if I leave my house, this road will be a part of the journey. I very often notice that there is trash lining the road. It's disgusting. Humans in general are disgusting for the damage we do to our home. I absolutely HATE litter bugs. Sorry, but seriously, my car will be full of trash and overflowing before you ever see me throw trash on the ground. Ever. Anywayyyyyyyy, that ranting aside, I thought to myself one day, that I should be the one who starts the trend of cleaning up that road. Maybe if I parked the truck one day, put some gloves on (eeeewwwwww) and got to work, other people would see me and take note. Maybe, seeing that a mini van full of convicts isn't going to do the job for us, we would realize as a community that it is our responsibility. Maybe.

As I am driving the Princess to school today, I see a man out there with a trash can, walking the road and picking up trash. Ooooh! He stole my idea! But did he? Or did he actually just ACT, while I THOUGHT? He's out there doing exactly what I thought of, and frankly, if you ask him, he will probably tell you that my "thinking" about it did not help him in any way today.

So I realized that I am a thinker, not a DO-ER. Why is that? I want to act on things. I want to bring about change. I want to be a part of the small group of people that stand up for what they believe in. But still, here I am, blogging about it instead of doing it. Go figure.

Note to self: Just ONE MORE thing added to the list of things to change in myself. My daughter WILL grow up a do-er. She will act on thoughts, dreams and visions, and she will stand up to be accounted for.

PART TWO

Ok, so part two is really just a side note on my religious journey. I was flipping through stations, and though I don't usually stop to hear people talking (total music girl) I stopped on a Christian station. He was discussing "showing the glory of God" in things we do. Is the glory of God displayed in how I speak? Is the glory of God displayed in how I discipline? Hmmmmm. Really got me to thinking. So I googled it, trying to find a reference to a verse, and here's what I found:

You will probably will get answers like, “worship,” “witness,” “acts of kindness and mercy,” etc. While these are certainly true, they are too narrow. God calls us to glorify Him in all that we do. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). The Apostle Paul calls us to consider our responsibility to glorify God in all that we do—not just in the “spiritual” activities of life.

What do you think about this? I really like that scripture.

"Do all to the glory of God." ALL.

Have a great weekend!

Six Years

2008-08-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

Well, today is our 6 year anniversary! Crazy! I am so stoked to celebrate 6 years with the man I love! Six years ago today we met (and had our first "date"), and we've been together ever since! Never a break up between us! I feel so much pride about the fact that we never broke up. I think it's a big deal and I am PROUD of us. So many people just give up and walk away when the going gets tough, but we've held in there. Through many little things ... and the big things as well, like having a pregnancy so early in the relationship (you do the math) and then having Faith 4 months early!

We've stuck it out together, and here we are today. I am so blessed to know the kind of love and trust that I know with Jon. I love the way we laugh together. I love the way he knows everything about everything! I love his determination and drive. I love the way he so easily mellows out my crazy. ;-) I love the way we agree so much about parenting. I love the way he is growing as a father, and I am witnessing changes in him every day - from hugging Faith a little more, to talking to her about school, to playing with her and teaching her how to fish.

God has truly given me so much in these two people.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO USSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Be Still

2008-08-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

'Be Still and Know that I AM GOD'
Psalm 46:10

WHY is it so hard to just "BE STILL?"

I feel a Lisa post coming soon. ;-)

Lisa

2008-08-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

I think Lisa is my spiritual guide. I don't want to sound cheesy AT ALL, but I'm serious. I think that the reason God brought our paths together was for my own growth and development. Is that thinking selfishly? :-) You know what I'm saying though, right?

I mean, every time I question myself or my life, there she is ... standing there holding her hand out to pick me up *not literally of course*, or waiting with her bible open to a scripture I need to hear. Whatever it is, she has been my saving grace. My spiritual guide for lack of a better term. She is sharing something so important with me, that even if I am the only person she ever affects in this world, which I highly DOUBT, she will have done an amazing thing.

I love you Lees.

Anyway, after my latest posts, she sent me to http://www.withoutwax.tv/. All I have to say is I wish I lived in Nashville. I might actually go back to church if I did. I have a feeling they would not measure me by my shortcomings.

Here is the blog post from today:

Yesterday in our Crazy Love series at our Cross Point Nashville campus we talked about three phrases which sum up the kind of community that Jesus came to create. We had a bunch of t-shirts printed up (thank you so much Miranda) that some of the greeters and band members were wearing just to help reinforce the point. The three phrases were…

EVERYBODY’S WELCOME
Jesus modeled a community for us where everyone’s welcome. He would welcome, love, accept, embrace, and include anybody who came up to Him. It didn’t matter—prostitutes, Samaritans, tax collectors, Gentiles, lepers, or sinners. We dream of a church where people, even if they don’t agree with everything we believe yet, and even if they don’t understand everything we teach yet, can discover a place where they are welcome “as they are”.

NOBODY’S PERFECT
Jesus helped us understand that we’re all equally in need of the forgiveness of Christ. Because of this there is no need for any sense of spiritual superiority. We dream of creating a community at Cross Point where there is no need for hiding, no need for reputation building, no need to impress anybody because we are all
sinners, saved and living by grace.

ANYTHING’S POSSIBLE
Jesus continually chose to believe the best in people. He looked at people like Peter, who was inconsistent, unpredictable, and shaky in his faith at times and still chose to believe that transformation could happen. Likewise, as Christians we’re called to believe the best in all people. We’re called to look one another in the eyes and see the men and women that we can become through the power of Jesus Christ.

Here’s my question. Which one of these three elements of community is most difficult for you to practice with others? Why?

My previous post about religion ...

2008-08-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

... has me frustrated. I just can't seem to successfully get all of my thoughts into words! I keep reading it over and over again, and so many parts of it annoy me because I see where I was going with it in my head, but not in the actual words. I just pray that if you are reading my blog, the whole 3 or 4 of you, you can see inside my head and my heart a LITTLE bit, to have some sort of idea what the heck I was trying to say. This post will be a MUMBLE JUMBLE as well. Just please bear with me as I find my thoughts, and my way.

I am constantly trying to organize my thoughts, views, and upbringing when it comes to religion. (Among other things - let's face it, I'm scatterbrained.) I can remember at a very young age finding out that my pastor was getting divorced because he had cheated on his wife. 'Really? I don't understand, Mama. But he's our PASTOR. Pastors don't SINNNN.' I remember thinking how strange it could be that a pastor would commit adultery. I was maybe 6 years old. That was probably my first experience questioning religion, or those who practice it.

But I kept trucking along. I was a little child of God. I loved Him whole heartedly, and that was all that mattered. Sure, I got into trouble, like any kid, but my heart was pure and my faith was strong. I made my Papa so proud. He thought for sure that I would grow up to minister to others, and bring people to the Lord. And then he died. I was 16. I can openly admit to a broken heart and a broken TRUST. Why God, are you so powerful and so glorious, while so cruel that you take my father from me at such a young age? Why do I praise someone who would hurt me so immensely? WHY God?

I was never the same after that. I stopped going to church. Church camp was a thing of the past, mostly because of age, but I definitely never went on to become a camp counselor like I had once planned. I started to shy away from the "organized" part of religion. I met up with bad relationship after bad relationship. I lost my virginity to a man that abused me, physically and psychologically, and I stayed with him for FOUR years. All the while PRAYING that he would change, that he would love me, when God was telling me to RUN. I ignored Him. My inner struggle had become a BATTLE. If I did try to sit through a Sunday service, I cried so hard that my body shook. I couldn't handle that. Maybe it was the Lord moving through me. Maybe it was pain and loss. Maybe it was guilt and shame of my poor decisions. I don't know, but it was not enjoyable, I'll tell you that much.

So there it began. First doubting at 6, then at 16. It escalated from there.

I questioned.

I faltered.

I made POOR decisions.

But yet, in all honestly, I never stopped talking to God in my head and in my heart. I was able to somehow keep this relationship going with Him, even through the anger, pain and resentment. And He was still there. Still holding me after all these doubts and questions. He was there telling me to keep going and TRUST him. Even when I turned my back, He did not forsake me. Why? Why must You continue to love me and tug on my heart when I have clearly turned away from You? Who am I to deserve such LOVE?

So my struggle remains, though I have so much love in my heart for the Lord. You are witnessing the struggle in me as I write. As I grow. As I try to raise this little Princess. As I struggle to teach her right from wrong. You witness my struggle in these RAMBLING blog posts. In my frustrations with other Christians, with society, etc. You winess me question the whole idea of being "equally yoked" when I am crazy in love with a non-believer. You've got a front row seat *for the madness*, and I would love your guidance, suggestions, words of wisdom, scripture references. Lisa and Cindy especially - your words are ALWAYS exactly what my heart is searching for.

I will continue to search, and I will continue to stumble.

I will continue to grow, if nothing else.

Ain't that the TRUTH!!!

2008-08-15T18:54:00.000-07:00

A GREAT line from a GREAT movie ...

" ... but the foundation was good, I'll say that. And if that's ok, then everything else can be fixed ... "

~ The Money Pit

Do you get the same feeling from that quote that I do? Is your foundation GOOD???

Kindergarten

2008-08-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Faith starts KINDERGARTEN today! I am a big ball of emotions ~ excited, nervous, sad, happy, scared, ETC!

Gosh, I wonder how SHE is feeling!

She has a new backpack and lunchbox, and a really cute new plaid skirt to wear today. WE have laid out her clothes for the rest of the week, complete with hair accessories. I hope that lasts, but I am never that organized, so it probably won't!

I'm so excited for all that she is going to learn. She has such a thirst for knowledge, like her dad. I just know she will absorb everything like a sponge. The only problem we may encounter is from me ... the talkativeness. THAT was my problem in school! That and answering questions before anyone else could even get a chance to raise their hands! Smarty pants.

Anyway, I will be crying, FOR SURE, but I will also be taking pictures, so I will post those later. My little Kindergartner!!!

She's so big. *sad face*

CHOC WALK 2008!!!

2008-08-06T12:02:00.001-07:00

http://www.chocforms.org/chocwalk/2008/Bella_Inspired/

Please click on the link above to visit our TEAM homepage!!!

I have registered a TEAM for the CHOC WALK!!!

Team Bella Inspired is in full effect! In honor of Miss Faith Isabella of course!

Please show your appreciation for the WONDERFUL people of Choc Hospital by either participating with us, or donating money to sponsor us. We each have to raise at least $50 in sponsorship money in order to participate, so every little bit helps. All proceeds go to CHOC, not us, so of course our goals are much higher than $50.00! All for a good cause!!!

I will be getting Team Bella Inspired t-shirts made for team participants, so once you have registered, please email me to let me know if you would prefer a wife beater or t-shirt, and what size you would like. ALSO, children under 3 years of age are welcome to come but do not have to register. Older children must register and raise their $50 like the grown ups. :-)

Where would we be without CHOC I ask you? ;-)

Thank you for helping us support such a wonderful cause/place/group of people!!! Without them, things could have gone so differently for our little miracle baby.

post signature

C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

2008-08-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

This post has taken a few tries to get right. It still isn't exactly how I want it, but I am having trouble getting my thoughts out clearly. My disclosure is this: In an attempt to better myself, I am learning EVERY day, where God wants my heart to be, and where He wants me. I am fighting a constant up-hill battle with myself. I am fighting to change some beliefs, and strengthen others. I am trying to not point fingers, when my hands are not clean. But in this post, you will see a bit of confusion, frustration and finger pointing. I am venting my anger and my frustration, as well as my own questions about religion. One thing that I have always struggled in understanding is how Christians are some of the most flawed, judgemental people out there. This is only a post in which I am raising my questions. Please don't take it as anything more than that. A sort of "thinking out loud" blog post, for lack of a better disclosure.

***

Lately, I find myself confused about religion. Or more so, I find myself confused about the majority of people who represent it. I am confused at how loosely people can use the term "Christian." Now some may look at me and think I am guilty of such a thing, but I have never claimed to be this perfect person, or even a perfect Christian. I know my faults, believe me. I know them better than anyone. But I also know my relationship with God. I know that in representing the Lord, I have to lead by example. Though I falter at times, I do try to lead a good, kind existence.

To be COMPLETELY honest with you, I smoke cigarettes. I drink alcohol. I am an unwed mother ~ so yes, you can guess I do have sex before marriage. I struggle with my Faith at times too. BUT on the flip side of that, I am still with my daughter's dad, and we love each other very much, with or without a marriage license aka. piece of PAPER. God sees the love between us, and our only answer will be to Him when that day comes. We are working DILIGENTLY at raising a kind, warm, compassionate child, regardless of OUR shortcomings. THAT is what is important to me. THAT is where you will see the morals I have, and the BELIEFS I represent. THAT is what God sees in me, in us. You will see my Faith, values and beliefs in my child, in my love, and in my friendships. You will see that though I falter at times, I am constantly trying to better myself and build a stronger relationship with the Lord.

I have come across MANY of theses so-called "Christians" who sit in judgement of others. And I wonder to myself, which Bible they are reading, and what God they are praying to. I'm pretty sure that only God can place judgement on others, but maybe I'm the one confused.

The news today spoke of a Christian Biker Gang who are under investigation for the stabbings of a few Hells Angels. Now for me, having a love of motorcycles and freedom, as well as a love for God, is a pretty awesome statement. I love the idea of a Christian biker gang, proving to the world that there is no ONE kind of PERFECT Christian. God loves us all, regardless of our hobbies or shortcomings. So yes, God loves his bikers as well as his pastors! But now, the news is showing this other side of Christian Bikers, and the media is going to play it up wildly I'm sure. That these perfect Christians stabbed some Hells Angels. I am disturbed that it happened, and I am disturbed that with all the grief these Christian bikers probably receive, they should have been on their best behavior, and obviously were not. But then I am also disturbed that they call themselves Christians when clearly they have views and beliefs that differ so much from what the Bible teaches and represents. I mean, were they carrying knives in hopes of getting in a fight? And what freaking bar were they visiting to have a run-in with Hells Angels of all people? It's not like you run into them on every street corner! Seriously. I am also disturbed with the media coverage. It's like they are trying to EMPHASIZE the CHRISTIAN part of the biker gang. This is what turns people away from religion. This is what makes non-believers question organized religion. Look how organized and CHRISTIAN these bikers were when they stabbed other men. Was THAT in the name of GOD?????????

My next issue of late, is some neighbors of mine. I have heard from other neighbors that they are the type of "CHRISTIANS" that will preach to you any chance they get, and it's pretty much their way or else. You know, instead of leading by example, and teaching others to live a kind, spiritual life, they think if you don't do exactly as they do, you are probably going to Hell in a hand basket. (Now again, I must say, this is what I have HEARD, nothing more. So please take it as that.) In a recent situation involving their daughter and my daughter, I knocked on their door and spoke directly to their daughter. First of all, I believe that all children, regardless of age, should be spoken to as PEOPLE. That is how I have always treated Faith, that is how my friends treat their children, that is what I am used to. Now every time my daughter plays with these neighborhood kids, she comes home crying, or days later lets it slip that one of them told her she was ugly, or one of them pushed her. I have been dealing with this since moving here in March, and I finally had enough. It is a difficult struggle faced by parents - the thin line of protecting your child and letting them learn to take care of themselves. Needless to say, the Mama Bear came out of me, finally. So, I went over there, knocked on the door, and STERNLY spoke directly to the 8 year old responsible for hurting my 5 year old's feelings, AGAIN. I did not yell, I did not cuss, I didn't physically smack the child or anything of the sort. I do think though, in seeing how the situation has evolved since, that I offended the mom by speaking to her daughter in a way that she found inappropriate. I TOTALLY understand that, and if she could just assert herself and tell me that she is upset, I would apologize to her up and down, left and right, and explain to her that I handled it the way I am used to dealing with my own child, and my friends' children. I would also assure her that I would never again speak to her child so maturely, and all would be well. In saying that however, I WOULD expect an apology from her daughter for hurting Faith's feelings.

BUT, believe it or not, she has not come to speak to me directly about how I handled things. She has not asserted herself, or stuck up for her child (if that is what she feels needs to happen). What has evolved instead, is dirty looks and stares every time I am outside, and her older girls, 12 and 13, have gone as far as to say "Ewwwww" and "gross" every time they see me. *SERIOUSLY???* LOL! Getting picked on by CHILDREN!!! :-)

But I have to wonder what "Christian" values they are teaching their children. Kids are going to have problems, that is unavoidable, but do we not teach our children to apologize, and learn from their mistakes? Do we not try to explain how painful words can hurt some one's heart? Do we not teach our children to grow and be better from each experience, painful or otherwise? Do we teach our daughters to be vicious and mean? Do we teach our daughters to DISRESPECT adults? Do we sit in our homes at night and gossip or bash our neighbors in the presence of our easily influenced children?

Just wondering. Apparently MY Bible has been altered, because here I am trying to make my daughter a better, stronger, child of God than I am. Silly me.

In my searchfor scripture, which I must say happens a bit more frequently then it used to *thus my trials and tribulations are doing their intended job* I came across this from another blogger:
Jesus was right when he said, “How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:4). This is an illustration of the sinner judging another sinner.God is consistent and he never contradicts himself. These are characteristics that we will never be able to duplicate during this lifetime, which is why we all need Jesus as our Savior. He’s available to everyone: Jews, Buddhists, Christians, Communists, Muslims, Al-Qaeda, Rich, Poor, Criminals, Black, White, Asian...EVERYONE. Attempting to oppress Christianity with lies will only lead to failure. The apostle Paul tried to do it, but God intervened. When all is said and done, God will always have the last word. Please allow me to clear some of the air here. God hates sin, but he loves sinners: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 NIV

Earth Day EVERY Day

2008-08-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

This is important for ALL of us. Please read it. It is a real issue and it is destroying our planet. If you just do a little, it will make an impact.

Please purchase a few cloth, reusable grocery bags and take them to the grocery store, mall trips, Target, Walmart, Lowes etc. Every little bit helps. We only have one earth, lets keep it nice for our children.

The cloth bags are only a DOLLAR at most supermarkets. Start with a few each time you go, and it won't even be a big expense. Seriously, after watching this slideshow, you'll agree how important this is.

Once in the slideshow, use the bar on the right side of the screen to scroll through the slideshow.

Read this article: http://www.mindfully.org/Plastic/Ocean/Trashing-Oceans-Plastic4nov02.htm

Then take a look at this slide show: http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080506/MULTIMEDIA02/80505016

I love a good photographer ...

2008-07-31T13:45:00.001-07:00

... and recently, the photographer came in the form of my good friend Jill.

She is amazing at capturing a moment, and not even a professional.

On a BETTER note!

2008-07-29T09:11:00.000-07:00

The fairies have finally decided that we are worthy of their presence! Or at least, that our two cats and chihuahua aren't going to eat them! Grana has a family of fairies at her house, and they have this adorable little blue door, that matches perfectly with her blue house. We have been SO envious of her tiny visitors!

They *finally* moved in last night, while we were all fast asleep!!! (That's when they come and go you know, because they are SHYYYYYYY.) Anyway, we found this perfectly constructed, purple little fairy door in our hallway this morning! It is right next to the guest room, perfectly visible to the whole hallway (probably so they can keep an eye on all of us as they get to know us). It matches the colors in Faith's room though, so I feel they might be planning on taking up permanent residency in her room, once they are more comfortable. :-)

I can't wait until they invite their friends and more of them move in! There is PLENTY of room in this big ole' money pit!!

If you are curious about the fairies, I suggest you do a little reading about them. That way they will know you care, and maybe take up residency in your home too! ♥

http://urban-fairies.com/

(I happen to personally know the fairy door painter, so if you would like to get in touch with me, I mean HER, please let me know! Teehee.)

The Little Things Make You Stronger, or so I'm Told ...

2008-07-29T06:35:00.001-07:00

I know, I know, I have been a terrible blogger. I get in these moods of totally wanting to share with you, and then completely wanting to crawl inside myself and lock the world out. This past week or so has been the latter. I have had a terrible time with life's little struggles. I was told, before moving back to California, that there is "no geographical fix" for my problems. I thought, 'well that's stupid ... Arizona is the reason I am miserable. The people out here (no, not ALL of them, just the majority of the ones I met), the lack of "real" friends, the absence of family, etc. THAT is why I am unhappy. So there obviously IS a geographical fix.'

And as a brief segway into my next bit, I have to tell you that I am a LOT better than I was in Phoenix. Jon and I are a LOT better, Faith and I are a LOT better, my emotional state is a LOT better. I just thought that all of our problems would be solved if I came "HOME." (Geez, it sounds so silly to say it now.)

You know, it's nothing new that we have no money since moving back to California. I don't know why I refused to listen to Jon when he warned me of what would happen. It was like my blinders were on and all I could see was coming "home" ... regardless of the consequences. So here we are, and I am still having these weekly struggles, they are just different then what they were in AZ. See, we had at least DOUBLE the income we have now. And that was just Jon's - forget what I was making at Allstate for that short time. We'll just focus on how in Arizona, we were successfully able to be a one income family. We still struggled, so don't get me totally wrong here. The struggle was different though. If we blew through a week's worth of money, I knew that Jon was bringing home enough the next week to get us through, and then some. Now though, I feel like each week is pulling us out of last week's hole, and in turn, digging a new hole for next week's paycheck to attempt to fill. It's this vicious cycle.

We've discussed our options, and there really aren't any (short of breaking our lease here and moving in with Jon's mom again). I have few options, if any, for bringing in a significant income. When I worked at Allstate, we basically broke even. I made enough to pay for my work expenses (driving, food, etc.) and for Faith's school, and there wasn't much after that. As many parents already know, day care is a Money Pit. It was a good daycare though! But I was terrible at insurance because I hate sales. It is just not me. So yeah, I could spend the money (what money?) to go renew my insurance license in this state, and go pretend that I can sell insurance. Maybe I can fool them for a while, but how long is that going to last?

Maybe I could go back to bartending, but when? At night? See, Jon's work schedule is different every day, so I can't commit to a schedule anywhere. Sometimes he's home at 3:00pm, sometimes 9:30pm. And it's never even like we know ahead of time to plan accordingly. So I guess working nights is out.

Then there's my artwork. Oh how I dream of that turning into something. If I could just make an income doing what I love, the world would be a perfect place. But alas, no such luck. I guess that if people can't even afford to buy gas or pay their mortgage, custom letters are not first on their list. I have this plan that when Faith starts school, I will be able to devote those few, uninterrupted hours a day to my painting, and turn this hobby into a career. I guess only time will tell.

So, in conclusion, you can see that our financial situation is responsible for the fact that though we have moved "home," I am still not as happy as I had planned. I am still struggling with the daily struggles, they are just different. I am closer to my mom, and Jon's mom. I am closer to the beach. I am closer to my core group of friends. I JUST CAN'T afford to drive anywhere. I might as well be completely isolated back in Phoenix. At least we'd have more money and I could go drown my sorrows in a bargain spending spree at Ross which I so love to do.

My Blog Just Got a Facial!

2008-07-27T11:14:00.001-07:00

My blog just got a facial and yours can too at www.theblogspa.blogspot.com !

Faith Isabella, MIRACLE PREEMIE ...

2008-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

Faith turned 5 years old yesterday, July 6th. I found myself feeling both excited, and a little sad. Well, not sad really, but more wistful or melancholy. I find myself, as most mothers do, equally excited and melancholy for most of the steps we take as a family. As I watch my daughter grow up, I am EQUALLY excited for what she will become as I am SAD for what she will never be again. She will never be so small that I can cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep. She will never have that baby breath so sweet, she now has breath, just breath, good bad and ugly, like anyone! ;-) She will never need me as much as she did when she was so helpless and tiny - or at least she will never let on that she does. I hear now things like this, "I can do it," or "I'm not a baby." And I'm like, but I am here to do that for you, and yes, you ARE my baby. She gets so mad at me for telling her that she is my baby. But she is, and that will never change. I am still very much my Mama's baby.

I find myself reflecting on what Jon and I went through when Faith was born. I found myself laying in bed with her last night, singing along with a CD we listened to all those years ago, and crying. I couldn't explain to her that they were happy tears, and I couldn't really figure it out myself. Happy, yes, for what we have and how far we've come. Sad, for what we all went through. Nostalgic in a way, for time passed. Fearful in a way, for things to come. So many things are involved in a moment like that. So many feelings and thoughts. I have pretty successfully buried the memories of that first year of her life. I have done so in my own way of dealing with things, my own internal defense mechanism I guess. Talking about it, like any traumatic experience, brings it all back to the surface, and frankly I don't like feeling it again.

Jon and I had been together for 5 months when I got pregnant. I usually say "we" but he hates that! He says "we" were not pregnant. And I'm like, yes "we" were, nah nah nah! :-) Anyway, we already loved each other very much, so we were fine in that department, but we were young, 23 to be exact. My "plan" growing up was to meet someone, get married at 25, travel with my husband for 5 years, buy a home, and have a baby at 30. So you can see that being an unwed mother at 23 was no way the direction I had intended. But I'm not dumb, and I know that we were careless, and got what we asked for. I have always said that if you are responsible enough to open your legs (excuse my phrase) you are responsible enough to be a parent. Luckily, we were. Even though we were terrified to say the least. So, in June of 2003, we found out we were having a GIRL. I was so STOKED. The thought of having a boy terrified me even more, so I truly believe God really doesn't give you more than you can handle, though I came to doubt that in the months to come. Not even a month after we found out we were having a girl, way before we had a baby shower or anything, I went in to labor at 24 weeks. I was only 6 months pregnant. It was July 5th, 2003. I had walked around Newport for the 4th, and complained the WHOLE time. I wish I could drink. I am SO hot. This sucks. You know, stuff like that. Maybe I got what I asked for, I don't know. But I will NEVER forget that I cursed being pregnant the day before I went into labor. I know it was coincidental, but nevertheless.

I called my doctor and told her I was cramping. Here was this 23 year old girl, having her first baby, not knowing what she was talking about, so they pretty much ignored me. It started around 10am, and continued throughout the day. I was working the front door of a bar I used to bartend at, and lasted only an hour the pain was so bad. And all I had to do there was sit and take money from the patrons. I told my boss and he sent me home. My doctor by this point still didn't think much of it, and told me just to go put my feet up. So I went to my mom's house, which was closer to work AND the hospital then my little apartment in Riverside. My mom and her boyfriend were in Big bear camping, and we were house-sitting. I kept my feet up on the couch, all by myself, for most of the day. I can't remember where Jon was or when he got there. But by about 6pm, I was timing the contractions. Yes, TIMING them. 10 minutes apart to be exact. I probably still have the little blue piece of paper I was logging them on, somewhere in the mess of baby stuff.

Now, no, I had not had a baby before. This was in fact my first pregnancy. So you would assume, I guess, that I didn't know what I was talking about, right? Wrong. I know my body, and I knew something was wrong. Heck, I knew I was pregnant in under two weeks. I wonder what would have happened differently, if anything, if my doctor had acknowledged my concern that Saturday morning at 10am when I first made the phone call. I will always wonder that.

By 10pm, Saturday night, July 5th, I was finally told to come to the hospital. Roughly 12 hours AFTER the pain had started. They admitted me, and started doing tests. Urine tests, blood tests, etc. But no vaginal exam. Can you imagine? A 23 year old woman, in her 6th month of pregnancy, complaining of TIMED contractions, and no one thinks to do a vaginal exam. Unreal. So throughout the night, into the wee hours of the morning, they begin to come to the conclusion that I have a bladder infection and what meds to send me home with. A pat on the head and some UTI medication. Great idea. Why didn't I think of that? Silly little girl with her first pregnancy.

At 5am, for some unknown reason, somebody decides it is a good idea to give me a vaginal exam. Yippee. Let's not forget that I am now going on close to 24 hours of contractions. If you've had them before you can imagine what I was feeling by this point. The nurse comes in and gets the gloves on. Puts me in the stirrups, or maybe my feet were just up on the bed, I really can't remember, and reaches in. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER FACE. She had this unbelievable look of FEAR in her eyes, and you couldn't help but notice it because her eyes were huge like she had just seen the ghost of Elvis Presley walk through the room. She said something like hold on, or I'll be right back, and scurried out of the room. Another nurse is with her when she returns, and now the new nurse is going to check out my nether regions. Yippee. I just love a vaginal exam. Really, I do. *lol*

Nurse #2 we'll call her, ends up with the same freaked out look on her face. Awesome. Thank you for putting our terrified minds at ease. Then the two of them scurry away again. Strangely enough, I actually WAS having contractions. My daughter's feet were fully out of my cervix and my body was trying to deliver. And yes, she was breach. Of course she was because she was only 24 weeks along! I'm always amazed when people ask if she was breach, but anyway. So you can imagine that the commotion around us picked up in breakneck speeds. Suddenly the room was buzzing with people rushing to my aid. Again, I can only imagine what would be different if they had shown this same sort of haste from the get go. I then had to spend what felt like eternity on my side, with the bed tilted so my head was down and my feet were up. I had to take this medicine and that medicine, have this shot and that shot, and "don't throw up,because you could break your water," but this medicine and that medicine "could make you throw up." And they did. I puked into one of those little kidney shaped dishes. Are those for pee? I've always wondered if they gave me a pee dish to puke in but whatever. By the afternoon of the 6th, my Mom and Tyler were finally back from Big Bear. They hung out for a little while and then asked if they would have time to go home and shower, grab some things, and come back. Oh sure, she'll be like this for a long time. The plan was to keep me there, on my side, ass in the air, feet up, head down, don't cough, don't puke, pee in a tube, God knows what will happen if you have to poop, etc, until my due date. Or at least close to it. Clearly, at 24 weeks, I am not ready to stop baking that little bun in my oven.

Or maybe I was. Because before my mom could even make it the 10 minutes home, she was called back to the hospital. It was emergency c-section time. And thus began our lives as parents of a MICRO PREEMIE.

Meet Jessa

2008-07-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

This is on my MySpace, and it is pretty much me to a "T" ... except that I am constantly changing and growing! :-)

My number one interest is my beautiful family ... I absolutely LOVE watching my daughter grow up, though it is bittersweet at times. (She loves Fergie and the Pussycat Dolls, and that cracks me up! You should see her and her best friend, Brooklyn, dance to Buttons and Don't Cha! She calls it "Don'tcha Won'tcha" Oh yeah, and you should probably try to see her Lean Like A Cholo, before that isn't fun for her anymore, LOL!) She LOVES golfing with her daddy, and I love that they found something to do together. I love spending time with Jon. He's amazing, and I love him more than ever. You may see us have like one or two "Girl's or Guy's Nights Out" per year, but that's about it ~ we'd actually rather go out together, can you believe it?
I love books and movies, and wish I had more time for both. I love drinking on the lake all day, or at a pool, but again, wish I had more time for that! I miss my days at Fred's in Huntington, with Shizzle. I love painting, and anything else that makes me focus and *relax*. I love friendship. I love dancing, just need a few cocktails in me to really let loose. I love shoes. REALLY love shoes. I love makeup and fake nails. BUT, I am not shallow at all, and I love being able to say that knowing what it means. I also love when other people say that, who CLEARLY are shallow. I am very down to earth, and I CAN NOT tell a lie. Really, just ask. I take pride in the fact that I have a phenominal group of friends and I have worked hard at having that group of friends. You would be lucky to know any one of them. They all know how loved they are, as I know how much they love me, and I consider friendship a very imporant thing. I used to drive to TJ on a whim, and now I have to plan everything MONTHS in advance. I am constantly trying to better the person that I am. If not for my sake, for my daughter's. I try to live by the Golden Rule. If you don't know what that is, then that explains while people are such assholes. I love an ice cold Coors Light when it's hot *or the second I see Shana*, but I can equally enjoy an Espresso Martini, or a glass of Pinot Grigio, Syrah (French OR Australian) or Reisling (never met a German Reisling I didn't like, have you?). I worry about the way Faith will be treated in school, because of the way I treated people. (And because she's so beautiful of course!) I LOVE Halloween like you wouldn't believe. I start planning my costumes as soon as Halloween is over. It would be great if everyone had that much enthusiasm for the holiday, I would be living in a perfect world. I love NEW ORLEANS. That city captured my heart. If you haven't been there, then PLEASE go at least once. I love having Jon and our daughter to share all of these things with! I love guys in eyeliner. (I don't know why. Jon wore it once in New Orleans, and WOW. He looked amazing.) I love birthdays and Christmas. Just ask my girls how I am about birthdays ~ they are a BIG deal. Never been a labelwhore, but I am suddenly obscessed with a particular brand of clothing ... shhhh, I'm not telling which. Oh, and if I was a millionaire, I'd be wearing Christian Louboutin shoes to the mailbox. I hate the newspaper. I love food and wine pairing ... not only does it taste great, but it is often a learning experience too! I love Sushi bars, but hate Sushi, go figure. I'm just here for the sake! (Ok, a Tsunami's Crunch Roll is divine, but taht's it!) I love the ocean. I absolutely LOVE animals, but sealife and birds (especially waterfowl and birds of prey) really float my boat. I don't know who enjoys the zoo more, me or Faith. I adore LOVE, being IN LOVE, and anything having to do with LOVE. I love seeing people work on their relationships, it happens rarely these days. And I will try to work on your relationship too! *LOL* It's honestly a very kind and loving place that my opinions come from! At the risk of sounding like a contradiction, I also love when people give up on relationships for the sake of their children. That is TRUE LOVE. When you can actually love someone more than yourself, or your pride. Better to be raised in two happy homes than one unhappy one! (Well, that's what I always say anyway.) I think that it means more to BE a mom, then to say you are a mom. If it shows in your everyday life, you don't have to tell me. Teach by example. I love seeing people fight for what they believe in, but it scares the hell out of me to do so. I love the way my daughter smells with sunscreen on. It embodies childhood. I love fondue restaurants, and I love dive bars (I miss Cassidy's and The Red Eye, but the Hideaway is closer). I love a nice pair of expensive jeans (thanks to Jon) and I love a great bargain at ROSS, probably even more than I love an expensive pair of jeans!! Believe it or not, my $165 Charles David's actually hurt my feet more than my $18 Wild Diva's. I love to travel. I love TATTOOS. (I love hot guys with tattoos ... UM, HELLO, have you seen my boyfriend? End of story!) I love rootbeer and rootbeer barrels from Claim Jumper. Knotts Scary Farm still rocks my world. I think that motherhood is the MOST IMPORTANT job I will ever have, that ANY woman will ever have. It's unfortunate that more women don't see it that way. Faith and Jon come first. I will do my best to squeeze everyone in after that. Can you blame me? I will go to Koa Tao, Thailand one day soon. I WILL make that trip. I have had my heart broken ~ a few times. It always felt like it would never heal. But it did. I am so scared for my daughter's first heartbreak. I love cheesy movies. I love THE BURBS. I have been to the Great Wall. If a song comes on, I may ask you to name the movie. Then I will tease you for not being able to! (Meanwhile, I am the dork who wanted to play that game in the first place.) I am a KARAOKE QUEEN, and like a lot of them, really think I can sing. Shhhhh, just let me believe it, alright! I miss the beach. I miss Las Golandrinas bean, cheese and rice, no salsa burritos. I miss dancing at Metropolis, but I am SO glad that clubs are no longer appealing to me! I think *boob jobs* are the best thing ever, but disagree with just about every other type of plastic surgery. (Call me crazy.) I'm obsessed with pictures. I am a pretty good artist actually, but didn't know it until I made my daughter a growth chart for her first birthday. I will know I have arrived in life, when I have a Koi pond in my yard. (I LOVE Koi fish.) My initials spell "JES" ... cool, huh? (Told ya already I'm dorky.) I think one piece bathing suits are SEXY on well put-together women (I would look like a potato). Jon looks hottest when he's dressed like a golfer. Or when he greases his hair back ... mmm. I think if you are still trying to find love by whoring yourself out at the bar, you may be chasing love for a LONG time. But, that's just a thought. I love music. I love buying clothes for my princess. (Hey, at least I'm not selfishly spending all of our money.) I love anything Asian themed. I hate the way people treat others, especially the way women treat eachother. I hate living in Arizona. You just can't take the girl out of California ~ and expect her to be happy. I miss Disneyland.

If there is anything else you want to now, pour a couple glasses of wine, and let's chat.

Changes and what nots ...

2008-07-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I decided in the night (that's when I do all my best thinking!) to create a new blog. I am in the process of getting a blog makeover by Lisa, and I have been having a hard time deciding what it should look like. Though my business is just an extension of myself, it does not define me. In fact, I don't really know what defines me. So do I have the blog match the elegance that I want my artwork to display, the desire and longing for God that I want my heart to display, the love for my family that I want my life to display? Or what I ask?

So in thinking about all of these things, I decided that I will have TWO blogs. One blog will be for my business, Bella Inspired. It will be elegant and artsy all rolled into one, because that is what my artwork is. Along with whimsy and a few other fun descriptives! The second blog will be my this one, my personal blog. I don't know yet what it will look like, but it will represent ME. Just me, raw and personal. Vulnerable and strong. Mom, daughter, girlfriend, friend, lover, etc. Me in ALL my glory. It will have more postings than the Bella Inspired blog, and you will be able to read along as I write about my journey. My journey to discover who I am, who I want to be, who I want my daughter to be, and who I am with God. My journey to find a happy balance between loving my family, and loving myself. Discovering who Jessa is, and where I have put her to hide all these years. You will be able to learn about my trials and tribulations, my ups, my downs, my laughs, my crys, etc. It WILL be a bumpy ride, I'm sure. So sit back, grab a cup of coffee or glass of wine, and enjoy.

The Personal Blog

2008-07-03T08:35:00.001-07:00

This is my new personal blog. I have decided to have one blog for Bella Inspired Business stuff, and one for just me - in all my glory.

Enjoy!

It's the LITTLE things in Life ....

2008-05-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

I realized today that there are so many little things in life to be proud of. So many little things in life to be happy about. I am so easily amused by things, and I am blessed in that sense. I am blessed to have been through many trials and tribulations, and to be able to come out of them with innocence and naivety, instead of feeling jaded and scorned. I have been able to gather wisdom and experience in life, without losing my bright-eyed outlook on things. I have learned how to learn, and keep my heart open to change. I am constantly trying to take experiences and teach myself how to live. To see in others what I want to see in myself, and go for it. I have learned that a criticism from a friend is a stepping stone to change. A push in the direction of finding a better me.

I woke up this morning, at 7:30am. The sun was shining, and without the final few sets of blinds in our house, our bedroom is quite bright. I had awaken all by myself. Faith was still asleep. It is a nice treat sometimes when after almost 5 years of being awaken on someone else's schedule, I can sleep in a bit. Who'd have EVER thought that when I say "sleep in" I would be referring to 7:30am?! That's parenting for you!

I awoke to a happy feeling. I was excited for the little things in life. I was excited for the new flavor of creamer I had waiting for my morning coffee ... Hazelnut Biscotti ... mmmmm. I was excited for all the food I bought at the store yesterday and all the new meals I was going to make. I was excited for the idea of trying to eat healthier and take better care of my family. It is a hard task, with a family of snackers, but little by little, I'm learning!

I was excited to set a new schedule for my day to day activities, because I want more time with my daughter. I read my friend Lisa's blog yesterday, and she has this amazing plan for Motherhood. I am stealing your plan Lees! I am so impressed with her thoughts on life, and I can't wait to incorporate them into my own. As Stay-At-Home-Moms, we get into this rut. This daily routine of never having enough time to do what we want to do because of all the housework, and yet feeling like nothing ever gets done! I can honestly spend the whole day cleaning and look at the house at the end of the day and wonder what I did all day! It's no wonder Jon often raises that very question! (And no Honey, I actually don't watch soap operas all day!) So Lisa has this plan of how to combat this rut that we get into, and I woke up today so excited to get on the computer and read her blog again so I could steal the plan! :-)

Made the coffee, did the dishes. That's my usual morning routine. I'm fine with that aspect, it's the rest of the day I'm going to work on! I fed my peanut, and came upstairs to the computer. I checked my emails first.

A Mom who ordered letters from me, back in 2005, has returned to order some for her second child. I can't tell you what an awesome feeling it is to have a customer return for more with their additional children. It is so special to me, that I made something so special for them. So that brought even more happiness to my life this morning.

I checked MySpace. There is nothing like finding an old friend, and especially when you have thought about this person for so long. That's what I love about MySpace and the like. It is so special to have this way of finding people and keeping in touch. I was sooooo excited this morning when I got a message from Stevie. She has been missing from my life for so long, and it was all for mistakes that I made in my youth. That's a hard one to let go of. It's one thing when you lose a friend for petty drama, or something they did, but to know that you lost a friend because of choices you made ... it just sucks. I'm excited to catch up with her. I'm excited for her to meet Faith and Jon.

So here's to the little things in life ...

~ That first cup of coffee in the morning, freshly ground, and seasoned with Hazelnut Biscotti creamer.

~ Deciding to live a better life.

~ A refrigerator full of food!

~ An old friend.

Thank you to all of those who make my life worth living. Jon, Faith, my family and friends. My customers who make my job so enjoyable. I am so blessed to know you and be a part of your lives.

Mother's Day

2008-05-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

I love that I can celebrate Mother's Day. I love that I have this amazing child to raise. I love that I found a man to start a life with, and have a family with. For me, Mother's Day is a little recognition of all that I do, and all that it is to be a MOM ...

Every 4:30am sheet changing because we are still working on no diapers at night ...

Every 10:00pm "I LOVE YOU!!!" yelled down the hall because she is desperately trying to avoid going to sleep ...

Every time she looks at me and tells me if my shoes match my outfit or not, because I don't have a full length mirror ...

Every time she sees me crying during a sappy movie or cheesy commercial, and takes my glasses off to wipe my tears ...

Every time I fetch the Boo Boo Bunny for a cut that to me is barely visible it's so small; but that Boo Boo Bunny from Mama means the world ...

Every time I tell her how beautiful she is, and she glows like it was the most amazing thing I just told her ...

Every time she shares without being asked ...

Every sassy comment that both infuriates me and cracks me up at the same time ...

Every time I've cleaned up puke, in the middle of the night ...

Every time I'VE been puked on ...

Every time I see an expression of her dad's on her face ...

Every time she tells me I "did a good job" - whether she's admiring my artwork, or enjoying the chicken I cooked for dinner ...

Every time I search through poop for a lost coin ...

Every time I paint her nails, or take her to the nail salon, and she is sooooooo proud of what a big girl she is ...

Every time she toots, and laughs like it was the funniest thing EVER ...

I am often exhausted from Motherhood. I am often fried at the end of a particularly long day of defiance and sass. Jon comes home and must see this frazzled shell of a woman at times. I have a very bright child, and she is so independent. She has all the qualities I would dream for her, but they all tend to wear Mama out too!

"I know," she often says. Not because she does nessecarily, but because she wants me to think she knows. I'm not the first person to say it, or come up with it, because she "knows." Duh.

"Can you stop that?" Ooooh! That one drives me up the wall! It's so rude, but at the same time, I appreciate the assertiveness I see in my child. She doesn't want to hear something repeated, so she asks you to stop. Brilliant, but yet so simple. It's just strange how often I hear it when I am singing. ;-) LOL!

She's so innocent, and yet so strong. So needy of me, and yet so independent. She's compassionate and loving. She's funny and yet has a pretty good understanding of when to be serious. She cried last night when I gave myself grief over messing up the rice. She felt so bad for me that she cried. She's amazing with all that sensitivity and compassion.

I think that Mother's Day is an amazing idea. It is a day to recognize all that I am doing in the life of this child. It is a day that for once, I can say, "You do it. I did it the 364 other days of the year!"

I take a vacation to Palm Springs every Mother's Day, with my mom and Faith, and Shana, her mom, and Brooklyn. Shana and I decided long ago that we would have this one trip every year for our daughters. It is as much for Faith and Brooklyn as it is for us, and our Mothers. It is a trip where we relax and enjoy eachother's company. A weekend where we recognize the women who raised us, and the little women we are raising. This circle of friendship, love and motherhood. I am so blessed to have my mom and Faith, and to have the relationship I have with both of them.

So, this weekend is to US. The Moms, Grandmas, Great-Grandmas, Aunties, Sisters, etc ... and especially the daughters (and sons) ... for without them we would not be mothers.

Without Faith, I would not be me. Happy Mother's Day Everyone.

... and we FOUND THE DIME! I find it both sick and amusing that I said I would have to search her poop for THREE days. In actuality, I searched her poop for a week and a day. I was going to stop soon, really.

The Joys of Motherhood ... PART 2 ...

2008-05-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

Still no dime. LOL!

Ah, the joys of MOTHERHOOD ...

2008-05-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

So, I'm upstairs on the computer, and I hear Faith cough/choke, just a quick little episode, and then I hear "Mama!" She comes running up the stairs, and I go running down, and we meet on the landing. She's crying, I'm panicking, and she says, "I swallowed MONEY!"

I asked her how she felt. "Did it come out of your mouth?" "Did you swallow it all the way?" "Is it still in your throat, or did it feel like it went all the way down?" "Does it hurt?" No, it did not come back out of her mouth. Yes, she swallowed it all the way. No, it's not still in her throat. Yes it hurt. Awww, poor girl, it probably scraped her throat a little on it's way down. My next thought was to find out what type of money she swallowed ... so I placed a quarter, a dime, a nickel and a penny on my hand and she showed me the dime. OK, not the biggest coin she could have swallowed, so we're good, right?

At first I wasn't worried. I thought she's definitely not the first child to swallow money, and she definitely won't be the last! So I consoled her as much as I could, and explained to her that it's just going to travel into her tummy and then ... well ... you know ... um ... after a couple of days ...[into her poop]. She did NOT like that idea AT ALL. She cried more. I tried to explain that it was OK, and it won't hurt her. She probably won't even know when it comes out.

Faith went back downstairs, and I googled it. Oh geez. I started panicking then. Everything I found said she needed an x-ray because the coin could be stuck in her esophagus without me knowing! If you know me, you know that this is when my imagination starts to work overtime. I imagine x-rays, surgeries, ambulance rides, bills, bills, and more bills! So I called my mom. Of course. While on the phone with Grana, Faith came running upstairs again, crying harder. When I asked her what was wrong, she said while sobbing, "But I don't want my money to go in the toilet!!!" I totally laughed. (I'm sorry, I admit that when your four year old is crying, it might possibly be the WORST time to laugh, but it was really quite funny. Bad mom, I know.) So I explained to her that it was OK, and that all drains lead to the ocean, so maybe the dolphins could use the money for spending. (Sometimes we say the wrong things. In hindsight (20/20) I can now imagine my innocent four year old sending various items "to the ocean" for the dolphins. Anyone know a decent plumber?) She pondered the idea for a minute, while my mom and I giggled a bit, and she got upset again! "But I don't want the CRABS to eat the money!!!"

Seriously, how do you NOT laugh out loud? Really?

I told her what any mother would have said ... "The crabs won't eat it! They'll spend it on Crab Soup!" "Eeeeew!" she says, "I don't want to eat that!"

Crab Soup? So did I really just say that? A crab eating crab soup? Like a chicken eating scrambled eggs. It is just wrong.

So, like I said, sometimes, as parents, we say the wrong things. We say what comes to mind right then, and think about it afterward. Or, we don't even realize what we have said, until our child acts on it later. Or takes it in a LITERAL sense. Like sending presents to the dolphins through the drains in our home. I now have this looming sense of pipe trouble. LOL!

I have come to the conclusion (OK, Grandma Anne and Poison Control came to the conclusion) that "it" [THE DIME] has travelled into her tummy. I have to keep a close eye on her today. The warning signs to watch for, in case this happens to you, are vomiting, fever, coughing, choking, cramping, diarrhea and constipation. The GOOD NEWS is that for the next THREE DAYS, I get to examine her poop. Yes, you are right ~ I get to fish her poop out of the toilet and sift through it. Which is why I decided to title this post as the 'JOYS of MOTHERHOOD!'

All in all, it is GOOD to be a mom. But sometimes scary. Sometimes frustrating. Sometimes incredibly gross. ALL the time tiring. But GOOD. Always GOOD.